The past decade has witnessed an un-mistakable upsurge in stress levels the world over. People have used distinctive metaphors to define stress – a knife that slices through, an energy-sucking fire and contrasting to some views, an energizing fuel.
American humorist Erma Bombeck famously compares stress to a rocking chair. She said, ‘Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere’
We believe the key to bridging a gap or getting rid of a bad habit is to start at the beginning, and that’s at becoming ‘Self-Aware’. Communities, groups and institutions are full of individuals who experience stress, yet not many acknowledge, or even realise what they are undergoing.
We have catalogued 20 signs to help you identify if you or someone around you is too stressed. Once diagnosed, stress is not very difficult to deal with.
1. Tired all the time:
A large majority over the world believe that tiredness is a physically – triggered condition. A lot of people regard tiredness a by-product of
Physical exertion – be it travelling, laborious work, excessive exercise, stressful living, an exhaustive or taxing way of life, looking after children or managing multiple needs at one time.
However, it has been scientifically researched that psychological tiredness is a far more observed phenomena than physical tiredness. In addition to lack of consuming enough water, vitamin-rich food, healthy breathing etc. it is noted that ‘worrying too much’ and being emotionally dissatisfied can cause a prolonged sense of tiredness in one’s mind and body.
2. Forget often:
If you have observed yourself finding it hard to remember where you last put your glasses or that book you were reading, chances are you are mentally taxed. Whether you’d like to acknowledge it or not, our body finds a way of getting across it needs to the forefront by such indications.
Real or virtual obstacles making it challenging to retain information and skills often cause memory problems. Forgetfulness can also be a cause or consequence of a grave loss in the recent or distant past. It can also be the effect of a feeling of anxiety towards something in the future.
3. Finding faults (even when not necessary):
A stressed person will more often than not find faults only too easily. E.g.
They might view a potential error in the form of one single solution instead of considering various points of view. They find it difficult to compromise with a situation or arrive at a win-win.
Most often, if you are stressed in a particular situation, you might walk out with an – ‘all or nothing’ attitude, not pausing to consider the odds. The general behaviour of such an individual is irritable and people tend to avoid such company. This in-turn pushes a stressed individual to call for further isolation, thus forming a vicious circle that could lead to an unhealthy state of mind and body.
4. Argue about minor issues:
In observing the basic science of human relationships, it can be found that ‘expectations’ when not met, erupts into a profound unhappiness. This factor alone makes or breaks a relationship. A stressed individual will find low or no tolerance to unmet or unfulfilled expectations.
If you observe a pattern where you find someone arguing all the time, especially with the same person, it is quite possible that they are upset or stressed about a nagging factor in that particular relationship. Perhaps buried or not communicated well enough, an expectation has become the uncomfortable thorn in the cushioning of that amicable conjunction. While that being one of the major reasons for stress, the aggressive behaviour demarcating it, itself is a strong indicator of stress.
5. Can’t seem to find ’me’ time:
Marya Mannes, a renowned author and critic has said: ‘The great omission in American life is solitude; not loneliness, for this, is an alienation that thrives most amid crowds, but that zone of time and space free from outside pressure which is the incubator of the spirit.’
Just like the American life, today – the world over, people are finding it difficult to include solitude or ‘me’ time in their lifestyle. This indifference towards self-care inevitably will lead to a deep level of physical and emotional stress. Lack of time for simple yet essential activities like breathing, meditation, grooming, reading a book, quiet time, playing a game of squash or an instrument is a strong warning of rising stress levels, which if not cared for in time, will result in unpleasant and unpredictable outbursts.
6. Receive feedback that you look upset or you get ‘that-look’!
Know that you need time-of when you have colleagues; friends and neighbours giving you that empathetic look or telling you to your face that they think you need rest.
Not everyone exaggerates.
Some people do mean you well. If in doubt, ask family members, and alter ego – someone you can trust no matter what. Ask them for an honest opinion on your life, the way they see you managing it now as compared to how they think you can do better. You don’t have to do everything they suggest – yet their input is sure to provide you with some fruitful insight.
7. Don’t feel like going out:
Were you an extrovert, social, out-going person who has suddenly been avoiding a public appearance? It’s one thing to genuinely be busy but another to keep shutting the outside world. Closing oneself in is not just a sign of being stressed but also a dangerous indicator of chronic depression depending on the magnitude of this behaviour.
The more you give in to the feeling of wanting your own company, your couch, your blanket, the more will you begin to believe the lie that you are all you need? As much ‘independent’ or ‘cool’ as it sounds, the reality of isolation is quite the contrary.
8. Get impatient:
Be it at the traffic signal or in the queue at the movie ticket counter, a stressed person will show little patience. What’s going on in a ‘worked-up mind’ is the thought of what’s next! (Who, whom, where, what, anything but – NOW)
You will know you are stressed if you find your mind racing ahead of your body. Seldom enjoying the present, it seeks the thrill of an uncertain accomplished future. Waiting is possible, only if accompanied by uneasiness in posture, fidgeting, and unnecessary checking of email or message updates – basically an unhealthy dysfunction.
9. Think unproductive thoughts:
Pondering over that runny list and thinking – ‘My to-do list is so long, I will never get it done’ is not necessarily the mark of a negative person. This could very well be the thought of an otherwise positive person in a stressed frame of mind. Negative thinking is both a cause and the result of nervousness and stress. A tensed person also tends to overthink and in doing so might create a host of virtual problems that don’t physically exist. Thinking unnecessarily can cause a host of unhealthy clutter in the mind that will only aggravate stress levels.
10. Feel angry:
As Mark Twain rightly puts it – ‘Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.’ Anxious people tend to lose their patience and get angry rather quickly. If being told to ‘Calm Down’ doesn’t Calm You Down, you must become aware of feeling some amount of pressure. Although the common tendency is to assign blame to external entities for provoking us to anger, the fact is that we choose to respond with help of the crutch – anger and get hyper as a result.
11: Lack of sleep or unable to sleep well:
Do not dismiss your inability to sleep easily at night as just another exciting day or a minor worry induced outcome. It could be a vital indicator of stress. While sleep deprivation is a medical risk, it can be resolved, mainly by identifying the cause of the stress preventing you from enjoying a good night’s rest. Perhaps your desire to fix things out of your immediate control or a certain need for control robs away your relaxation hours and causes you stress you’d rather do without! Prolonged stress could also affect your hormonal balance resulting in lack of sleep.
12: Unable to focus or meditate:
We live the crammed 24 hours each day in a dire attempt to do the impossible. Sometimes, our inability to say NO costs us our relationships, time and mental health. The traffic in our minds makes us feel that our brain is filled to an optimized capacity – well here’s the good news, it isn’t!
A mind that is thinking plenty of thoughts at once will experience definite stress. If you find that you cannot focus, you are experiencing a stressful condition undoubtedly. Focus will require you to switch-off certain plugs in the brain and switch-on the relevant ones. Stress, on the other hand, will confuse.
Here’s the mantra: Take a deep breath; re-channelize your thoughts, Switch-off, Switch-on, and Focus!
13: Everything seems out of your control:
There is a certain gloominess that evolves out of our disbelief in our abilities. This leads to a kind of stress that can suck the enigma from our lives.
The fact that you look at situations thinking – there I go again or this is surely going to get me down is a thought that is likely to turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Whether it is a major world event or a personal catastrophe, do keep a check on your feelings. Everything is possible until the point until you get stressed enough to think you ‘can’t’. This point if not addressed could take things downhill.
14: Have a hard time calming yourself:
When things go wrong, mentally secure individuals will find a stable way of calming themselves. However, a stressed person will find this extremely tough to do. Even the slightest obstacle could make a stressed individual acutely tensed, anxious and even irrational. Think of the last time someone was informed of his or her flight being cancelled. Think of how a secure person would respond in that situation. Now think of how a stressed person would respond. The same situation – Two varied responses, the later critical.
15: Don’t feel like listening:
There comes a time in a busy person’s day when they just don’t feel like listening. The stress reaches a point where the mind and the ability or willingness to pay attention automatically dies off. Now if there are too many times in a day that you feel this way, the news is obvious – Stress levels are on a tenacious rise!
Either you feel that the message is unimportant, you’ve heard it before, you find the tone of the speaker disinteresting, the context irrelevant, whatever the reason – the fact remains that you are not listening, and this could well be a result of stress.
16: React v/s Respond:
Scenario 1: React – Your secretary sends out an incorrect email. You instantaneously react by getting angry, perhaps yelling, upsetting the lady and yourself, worsening your relationship, not bettering the situation.
Scenario 2: Respond – Your secretary send out an incorrect email. You identify with your anger reaction; you pause, take a breath and consider the situation.
In which scenario would you find a stressed person? You’re right, Scenario 1. Under pressure, it is difficult for the body to cope with added tension. The mind loses control and without a conscious lever, will succumb to the slightest trigger. Troubled individuals will not be able to easily allow themselves to respond.
17: Find that the mind wanders easily:
Particularly when faced with projects that demand one’s attention, mind wandering or lingering on a distant, non-productive issue can be a productivity-killer. Stressing matters can steal one’s valuable attention and add undesirable work pressure.
It is noted in a research called “A human mind is a wandering mind, and a wandering mind is an unhappy mind,” psychologists Matthew A. Killingsworth and Daniel T. Gilbert of Harvard University argue: “The ability to think about what is not happening is a cognitive achievement that comes at an emotional cost.” A human mind that is stressed is observed to wonder exceedingly.
18: Physical illnesses:
Exacerbated by stress, the body may respond in the form of one or more illnesses. Here are a few:
- Headaches
- Digestive Problems
- Pain in the chest area
- Abdominal discomfort
- Low Libido
- Low Fertility
- Memory Failure
- Weight gain or loss
- Skin conditions
It is of paramount importance to learn of the cause of these illnesses if you are faced with one or more. Should the root cause be stress, it is imperative that you take a break from the stressful situation and look back at the larger picture, thus re-evaluating your life. Doing this may also behove you to make a few compromises, but these will do you good in the long run.
19: Form nervous habits:
To help you understand what kind of nervous habits signalling the presence of stress in the mind or body of an individual, we have put together some common indicators:
- Ankle Twisting
- Knee-knocking
- Nail Biting
- Lack of/no eye-contact
- Rushed speech
- Clenching teeth
- Holding on fiercely to an object while speaking
- Tapping feet
- Chewing on a pen or pencil
- Looking for the next chance to escape a conversion
- Taping Fingers
- Ear touching
- Fiddling with hair
- Fidgety fingers
- Looking forward to the next smoke break
It’s essential to become aware of one’s action, expressions and their impact on the surrounding environment. A stressed person can, by their nervous habits radiate stress to people around in the form of negative vibes/energy.
20: Feel overwhelmed:
Feeling overwhelmed is not rare. It is a well-known anxiety symptom. Anxiety is in its nature an overwhelming condition and it is difficult to be stressed and not feel overwhelmed at the same time.
There are many causes for feeling overwhelmed – comparing our lives to others’, doing too much in a short period, concerning ourselves with multiple issues, higher aspirations, more temptations etc. One particularly emphatic one is – An unresolved impactful issue, buried and re-surfaced. The good news is, many times the impression that we have of being overwhelmed is only an illusion. We tend to make subconscious choices to accept the pain of stress. This causes us the burden of feeling overwhelmed.
How to reduce stress?
There sit copious solutions on different methods of reducing stress. However, in our experience, we have learnt that finding out whether we are stressed and to which extent makes all the difference. This will take care of the first F in the #3F’s Approach to Managing Stress.
- Find out your (POS) Point of Stress: As suggested earlier in this article, clear your mind, take a deep breath and find out the core reason for the tensed condition you experience. Is it a work-related one? Or something at home that didn’t go too well? Is it academics or personal life? Narrow it down to that one exact point of Stress.
- Fix-It: Find a way to fix your stress-causing problems.
Here’s are some options to get you started.
- Say NO more often: Work according to your priorities and limits. When you can’t, simply say NO.
Thema Davis puts it this way, ‘Saying YES to Happiness means learning to say NO to Things and People that Stress you out.
- Break your goals into small doable tasks: This will reduce your stress a great deal as the mammoth task is now a list of small realizable activities.
- Communicate your feelings: Nothing good has ever come off emotions bottled up. Sharing feelings and difficulties reduces stress a great deal.
3: Free Yourself Daily: Commit to a certain amount of free time for yourself every day. Relook at your smallest life decisions daily. Keep the ones that add value to the quality of your life and change the ones that don’t.
Stress will always be waiting out there in the world’s tumultuous scheme of things. Whether to make it yours or overcome it – is your decision!
Zoetalentsolutions offers a great stress management training course to help you learn how to manage and reduce your stress.
